


A Mirror of Imperfections

by kinkylittlered



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-28
Updated: 2010-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:39:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkylittlered/pseuds/kinkylittlered





	1. Chapter 1

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**A Mirror of Imperfections**   
_   


Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie    
Prompt: Passing Notes  
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts/self-hatred       
Words: 1009  
 

  


Jared had faced many frustrations in his short seventeen years, none more embarrassing than the lines crisscrossing his wrist. Each swipe of the razor had brought him freedom, freedom from his abusive boyfriend, freedom from his own self-disgust. Each swipe of the razor had brought him closer to his end, and closer to the ultimate freedom he couldn’t help but lust for. Each swipe of the razor earned him severe punishment from Chad for harming his “plaything”, as he often referred to Jared. Jared had no idea that the thin drops of blood were all pointing to his loss of freedom.

            Chad Michael Murray was everything Jared had ever hoped to be; perfect blond hair, perfectly colored blue eyes, perfectly sculpted body and perfectly formed facial features. Jared on the other hand had a mop of brown hair hanging constantly over his hazel eyes, his skin showing a million imperfections, including a mole near his nose. Jared was too tall and too clumsy to not be socially awkward, he thanked all of the known deities for Chad even noticing him. Jared was all too aware that Chad deserved perfection and would eventually seek it in another partner. Jared relied on Chad’s constant reminder of his imperfections, without Chad Jared was lost.

            It took months for Sharon Padalecki to notice the scars riddling Jared’s body, to notice the constant presence of bruises left by her son’s only friend. The decision to move away seemed to be the only way to save Jared from himself and from the hands of Chad. Jared had screamed when his mother told him, then he cried and finally he let Chad punish him for leaving. He deserved every bruise, and as each bruise began to fade he forced it to stay. Beating himself when Chad was unable seemed to be the only alternative to cutting. Chad had forbid him from causing more scars on his plaything’s skin. Jared belonged to Chad.

Jared had learned to accept disappointment and blame; he had come to understand that most of life’s problems were in direct relation to his existence. A prime example was his father’s decision to stay behind while Sharon and Jared made a new life together. Gerald had claimed he needed to continue with his job if he was ever going to make partner. Jared knew better than to believe that man, he was all too aware how disappointing he was as a son. Gerald was abandoning his mother because his son was a good for nothing. It was understandable; Jared would leave himself if he could too.

XOXO

As Jared walked into his new school he felt a million eyes judging and degrading his every move. He heard the whispers about his flaws, the rumors already spreading. Jared was ruining the school simply with his presence, a poison slowly leaking into the core of the institution. All he could do was smile apologetically and rush into his appointed classroom. The room was sullen, off white walls with no windows. The only open seat was in the far back, next to a pretty boy with gleaming blue eyes. Jared felt guilty for having to interrupt his beauty by sitting next to him.

“Your new, right?” The boys voice was the perfect shade of deep, his lips curling into a friendly smile. Jared wanted to sink into the ground, to gather with his only equals; rotting corpses and millions of horrific insects.

“Yes,” Jared’s voice shook slightly, his eyes locked on his desk.

“Are you okay? I’m Misha by the way.” The boy leaned forward in an attempt to catch Jared’s eye, only causing Jared to slam them shut.

“Yes,” Jared mumbled as the late bell sounded, the room falling into a deafening silence.

Jared couldn’t help but feel completely out of place in the presence of all the beautiful people. Even the teacher was stunning, brown hair tinted blond, piercing green eyes and tan skin spotted with freckles. He was even more beautiful than the boy seated next to Jared. Self-consciously Jared began to run his fingers along the scars on his wrist, finding comfort in the deformities. A rustling of paper caused Jared’s attention to shift from the subtly lifted scars to the paper set out before him. In perfect handwriting a small note was set before him by Misha, each letter only furthering Jared’s feelings of inadequacy.

Dear Mr. New Kid,

Are you okay? Did I upset you? Are those scars? Can we be friends?

Misha Collins

Jared’s eyes raced over the words a thousand times before he finally pressed his pen to the paper to reply. His own lettering was far from perfect, and much like the two writers it was clear who was beautiful and who was worthless.

Misha,

No, you didn’t bother me. Scars are scars. I’m not sure why you would want to be friends with someone like me when you could be friends with anyone.

Jared Padalecki

Jared slid the note silently over to the boy, his eyes fixed on the chalkboard. Jared was almost afraid to look the teacher in the eye, afraid that his imperfections might contaminate the beautiful man. Almost in a trance Jared was completely caught off guard by the note being subtly passed onto his desk.

Jared,

Don’t be silly, why wouldn’t I want to be friends with the hottest guy I’ve ever seen?

Misha

Jared turned to stare at the boy next to him, his eyes wide with shock. Just as he lifted his pen to write the paper was pulled from his desk. The teacher read through the notes quickly, his green eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. A deep laugh echoed from his throat momentarily before he turned to Jared.

“I would like to see you after school, Mr. Padalecki, 3:30 sharp.” The teacher did not seem to be upset, only mildly amused by the situation. Jared instantly felt fear rise in his stomach, and all at once missed Chad. Jared craved punishment for the impure thoughts sifting through his mind.  
  
[   
Chapter 2,   
](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/11701.html)

  


 


	2. A Mirror of Imperfections

_**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 2**_  
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: Mentions of self mutilation  
Prompt: Private Lessons  
Words: 1066

Jared was positive that not only did half of the school already hate him, but he was also on the bad side of his English teacher. Misha had gracefully let Jared sit by him, although it had felt more like being dragged through a crowd. Misha seemed to be blind, constantly hanging off of Jared and giggling at Jared’s uncomfortable facial expressions. Apparently Misha had a fine tuned gay radar, although Jared wasn’t naïve about his situation, no one but Chad could ever love him. No one but Chad would ever put up with his deformities and emotional problems.   
    Fear had stayed nestled in Jared’s stomach as the day passes by, each minute taking hours to tick by. By the time 3:30 rolled around Jared could feel sweat trickling down his neck, his eyes almost desperate as he entered his English classroom. The teacher was seated in his desk aside the chalkboard, flipping through a large stack of assignments. Jared awkwardly shuffled his feet at the doorway, unwilling to interrupt the clearly busy man. Misha practically bounced into the room, a broad smile on his face as he draped an arm around Jared’s shoulders.  
“How is my new best friend?” Misha was slightly too close, close enough for Jared to feel guilt creep up his spine.  
“Um, best friend?” Jared had never really had friends, only Chad.  
“Hello boys, please take a seat.” The teacher finally stood, walking over to sit on a desk “I’m Mr. Ackles, in case you missed that while you were passing notes in class. Very interesting notes, I might add.”  
“I’m sorry” Jared felt a deep flush cross his cheeks as he mumbled his apology, unable to summon any force behind his words.  
“Ya, sorry ‘bout that” Misha grinned again, bumping his shoulder against Jared’s.  
“Jared are you gay?” The teacher bluntly asked, an understanding smile crossing his features.  
“Uh I have Chad, Chad uh loves me” Jared’s voice shook, another wave of guilt filling him. Chad had forbid his from telling anyone of their relationship.  
“Ah, so you are gay?” Misha looked slightly disappointed that Jared had a significant other, although a smile was still tugging the corners of his lips. “At least I have a chance to steal you away from this Chad person.”  
“Chad would punish me if I wavered in my commitment.” The words slid out before Jared could force them away, causing both Mr. Ackles and Misha to openly gape.  
“He’ll punish you like he kinky way or he’ll hurt you?” Misha’s voice was filled with concern, causing Jared to look up from the floor to stare at him.  
“He’ll just punish me. That’s all, it isn’t a big deal.” Once again Jared turned to look at the floor, wanting to wipe away his reflection from the too shiny surface.  
“Jared, I run the schools gay straight alliance. I would really like you to join, it is a great way to make friends and to find a group in a new school.”  
“I…I don’t think I am group material.” Jared didn’t want his presence to poison the group the way he was already ruining the school. Chad would be angry if he admitted to being gay, angry enough to leave him even. “I really can’t”  
“Well, how about you come and see me once or twice a week so we can talk? That way your secret is safe but you still get the perks of the group.” Mr. Ackles smiled sweetly, his good intentions clear.   
“I guess I could do that” Jared felt too guilty to turn the man down, even though he dreaded the idea of having to talk to the beautiful man before him.  
“We’ll just refer to it as our “Private Lessons”, that way it doesn’t seem to weird to other students. Really, I don’t want to force you out of the closet.”  
“Mr. Ackles here is gay, so the Principle has him talk to all the gay students. Our schools pretty cool about it all.” Misha grinned, his hand worming its way inside of Jared’s. The skin to skin contact caused a cringe from Dean and another giggle from Misha. “You need to relax, holding hands isn’t cheating. But hey I really have to go if I am gonna catch my bus. I’ll catch you later.” Misha stood to leave, leaning in to gently kiss Jared’s cheek, before leaving.  
“Don’t worry about hurting Misha’s feelings by saying “no”, he is a major flirt. At one point he even hit on me” The teacher laughed and shook his head,” Jared I wanted to ask you about something.”  
“Uh okay,” Jared began to nervously fidget, his palms sweating.  
“Have you been hurting yourself? The note mentioned scars and well they are deep red and across your wrists.” The teacher nodded sadly to the one wrist he could see clearly, a small frown crossing his lips.  
“I…that’s why we moved. New start,” Jared couldn’t lift his eyes from the scars riddling his wrist, almost comforted by their familiar gleam.  
“I teach English but I also minored in psychology, so if you ever need to talk about this I’m here. Jared I am going to give you my personal phone number, I want you to call or text me if you are having negative thoughts. You deserve better than doing this to yourself.”  
    Jared finally tore his eyes away from his scars and stared into the green abyss of his teacher’s eyes. Tears welled in Jared’s eyes as he mumbled ‘I deserve worse’, his nails clawing into his arm, leaving half moon cuts. All at once the teacher’s arms were wrapped tight around Jared, pulling him in for a hug.  
“You do not deserve pain, no one does. In time it won’t hurt.”  
“I’ll always be stuck in this body.” Jared awkwardly sunk into the man, his arms still sitting in his lap.  
“You say that like it is a bad thing,” Mr. Ackles pulled away to look at Jared, his eyes filled with concern. “Jared, you do realize that you are very attractive, right?” The teacher’s eyes flashed over Jared’s body once before returning to staring into his eyes.  
“I know I’m not.” Jared pulled away, “I don’t want to do a private lesson right now. I want to go home and I think I missed my bus.”  
“I’ll take you home Jared, it’s okay.”   
[Chapter 3,](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/12001.html)   



	3.  A Mirror of Imperfections

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**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 3**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: None  
Prompt: Group Date  
Words: 764  
  
  
  
  
  


The problem with being friends with Misha, beyond the ever present flirting, was his ability to simply tug his friends along to events. Even after Jared had refused to go on the group date he found himself sitting in a smelly pizza place with a large group of teenagers, most of whom he had never met. All eyes seemed to be on him as Misha took his hand and cleared his throat to get the attention of the noisy bunch.

“Has everyone here met my friend Jared” Misha asked, looking in general directions rather than specific people. “If not ya’ll should introduce yourselves. He is a bit shy,”

“Sure, your friend. Which is why you are holding hands, because friends hold hands all the time.” A girl from directly across Jared said, her eyes sparkling as she threw her head back and laughed, “I’m Victoria Vantoch by the way.”

            Jared simply stared at the girl for a moment before forcing a small smile and sinking down lower in his seat. Misha took advantage of the opportunity to move even closer to him, his hand resting on Jared’s thigh.

“Chad,” Jared whispered, almost as though he could simply make the man appear from thin air.

“Who’s that?” A boy next to him asked, his stunning looks almost taking Jared back.

“My boyfriend” Jared was once again whispering, avoiding attention from the crowd.

“Wait a sec, Misha are you hitting on a taken man?” the boy turned to stare at Misha, shaking his head.

“Well, there is no harm in trying to make him my taken man” Misha shrugged, jokingly leaning in and kissing Jared’s cheek. “Besides Tom, didn’t you hook up with a couple girls I won’t name, while they were taken?”

“Look if he gives you the willies too bad, I’ll switch spots with you.” Tom smiled apologetically as Misha rolled his eyes.

“Trying to be the hero as always Tom.” Misha retorted before turning back to another group of people.

            Jared slowly began to hide in his own world, blocking out all of the incoming sounds from the large group. Nibbling on a piece of pizza he internally cursed himself for being over weight before finally setting the uneaten half down. Sipping quietly on his soda, Jared searched for any place in his mind that was safe from the commotion. The problem was, Jared was never safe in his mind. He was never free from the little voice in his mind screaming insults. Jared’s mind swirled as a mental image of Chad appeared, glaring and disowning him for telling their secret. All at once Jared needed to escape, another moment and he would die from Chad’s glare.

“I need to leave.” He mumbled, leaning into Misha to get his attention.

“What? No, we are having some games at Tom’s house.” Misha frowned deeply, clearly upset that his play boyfriend was leaving.

“I need to leave.” Jared stood, looking down at all the sets of curious eyes before at last bolting for the door. Jared’s breathing was coming out in short gasps as he moved to sit on a bench. The stress of the group date was too much, sucking in more air he turned as Tom sat down next to him.

“Misha is pissed your leaving. I mean you are his date,”

“I’m his…date?” Jared looked over, clearly confused. “But Chad…?”

“Ya, well Misha thinks this Chad doesn’t exist. Everyone here is on a date, dude. Victoria is here with me, but she has a thing for Misha.” Tom shrugged, grinning as he looked in through the window to see her.

“Misha’s gay,” Jared was growing even more confused, Misha was very clearly gay and now a girl was making the moves on him.

“No, he is bi. Misha hits on everything that moves, including Victoria. They would have gone together but he decided to go with you instead.” Tom shrugged before pulling out his car keys “I’m gonna head home, need a ride?”

“I…the bus comes soon.” Jared turned to stare at the road before him, the traffic flying by.

“Not for another half an hour. Look, I’ll just take you home.” Tom stood, holding out a hand to help Jared up.

            Shaking his head to the hand, Jared pulled himself from the bench. Once again he felt Chad’s cold eyes bearing down on him. The temptation to walk three miles home was building, until Tom finally pushed his shoulder lightly against Jared’s.

“Come on, dude” Tom’s smile was bright and genuine, and for an instant Jared felt Chad’s eyes fade away.  
  
[   
Chapter 4,   
](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/12045.html)


	4.  A Mirror of Imperfections

_  
**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 4**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Prompt: Party Games  
Warnings: Heterosexual sex  
Words: 1346  
  
  
  
  
  


Each spin of the bottle brought Misha closer to his newest conquest. The wine bottle slowed as it pivoted around the group, slowing as it reached Tom. Misha couldn’t help but smirk at the prospect of taking a straight boy, or more a straight boy taking him. Misha was naturally a bottom, and naturally was more interested in boys than girls. Still, he had dated his share of girls, even slept with one or two; the problem remained that they simply couldn’t give him what he wanted.

The bottle made one more sweep around the circle, nearly pointing to Tom until at the last moment it switched to Victoria. Misha attempted to hide his disappointment, he wasn’t in the mood for a girl and he certainly wasn’t in the mood to deal with her clingy attitude. He had been down this road before with Victoria and she always assumed they would begin a relationship. Misha could only hope that she could see his feelings for Jared, the new and sexy addition to the group.

“Well, well Mr. Collins it looks like you and I get the bedroom.” Victoria faked a sexy accent before standing and staring intensely at Misha.

“Yes it would seem so my dear, are you sure you can handle all of this sexiness?” Misha stood, his hand running down the length of his chest.

“Oh, God. Take. It. In. The. Room.” Tom punctuated every word as though he was disgusted; everyone in the room knew it was jealousy. The man was head over heels for Victoria.

Misha let Victoria take his hand and lead him out of the room, a bit thankful that the party games were over for the night. The last round of shots had really wiped him out and Misha really just wanted to get the sex over with so he could text Jared. He had it bad for the boy and didn’t want Victoria complicating matters.

“Vicky, I…I’m not sure we should do this. I actually like Jared and I don’t want you getting hurt like last time.” Misha smiled sweetly, his blue eyes pouting.

“Misha, I’m sure we should do this. I actually like you and I’m willing to get hurt like last time.” Vicky smiled seductively, heat rising behind her blue eyes.

Pushing Misha hard in the chest, she sent the boy falling back onto the bed. Licking her lips she ran her long nails up his thighs until she came to the hem of his shirt. Pulling on either side of the button up she sent buttons flying. Hands began to explore Misha’s body, nails scratching lightly over the sensitive skin of his nipple before lightly pinching down. Moving to straddle Misha, Victoria could already feel the hardening line in his pants. Pushing down, she let her skirt slipped up as she road Misha’s crotch. Taking his hands she slid them under her shirt, forcing him to help her remove the thin material. Each slide of her body earned a small grunt from Misha until he was finally playing along, removing her bra and latching his mouth down on her nipple. Victoria’s back arched slightly, her hand sliding down her skirt to rub a finger across her clit.

Misha kissed his way down her arm, reaching her skirt and unsnapping the buttons with his teeth. Pushing Victoria up by her hips, he slid her skirt off. Misha’s eyes scanned over the beautiful canvas of snowy skin, familiar and yet completely foreign. His hands danced over her lace thong, teasingly running the tip of his fingers over her lips through the lace.

“Undress me.” Misha’s voice was thick with lust, his blue eyes practically black with need.

Victoria slid off of Misha long enough to pull his pants and boxers free from his thin body. Letting them fall to the ground her eyes scanned the hard, reddened flesh before moving to straddle him again. Circling her hips over the head of his member Victoria leaned in to Misha’s ear, locking onto the lobe before whispering her plans to ride him. Leaning back away from Misha, she used a fingertip to force him to watch as she aligned and lowered onto him. A harsh grunt of surprise came from Misha as he opened his mouth to demand a condom. Victoria immediately silenced Misha with a deep kiss, her tongue entwining with his.

Circling slowly Victoria let out a soft whimper, raising her hips only to fall back down on his dick. Each thrust down brought Misha deeper, his hands sliding up her body caress her breasts before moving down to rub her clit. Every touch unleashed fire within Victoria until she finally arched her back and came, her eyes half lidded, her muscles contracting around Misha. The pressure began building inside his stomach, his balls pulling up to his body. Misha pushed up and pulled Victoria down in one movement, his seed filling her.

Rolling off of Misha, Victoria breathed out a content sigh as she attempted to catch her breath. Moving as close to Misha as possible, she curled into his side, her head draped over his shoulder. Unconsciously her fingers began to circle Misha’s chest, swirling in slow patterns until her hand as knocked away. Rolling away from his lover, Misha reached over to pull his phone from his pants pocket. Running through a million pick up lines in his head, he texted Jared.

“You can’t have him, Misha. He doesn’t want you, but I do and I’m yours.” Victoria’s voice held a bitter tone, her eyes rolling as she began to gather her clothes.

“I guess that makes me Tom, now doesn’t it. Always pining away after you as a million girls throw themselves at your feet. Why don’t you go fuck him? He actually wants you.” Misha’s voice was nearly as cold as his icy blue eyes, obviously the moments they had shared meant nothing,

“Because you spun the bottle, had Tom spun it then I would still be having sex with him. The man can go and go unlike some.”

“Ya, well at least I got you off.” Misha rolled his eyes as he pulled his pants on, his frustration growing as he waited for Jared to reply.

“Ya and I’m sure Chad gets Jared off all the time.” Victoria smirked as she pulled her shirt over her head, not bothering with her bra. Laughing as she tucked her bra into her purse she walked out of the bedroom.

Misha paced as he attempted to cool down, the lack of response from Jared combining with the mental image of him fucking another guy. Each thrust of Jared’s real boyfriend only served to upset Misha more until his hands began to shake. Walking out of the room, he aimed for Victoria, raising his hand to slap her.

“You fucking bitch.” Misha spat as he stared for a moment before moving his hand to slap the smirk from her face. Tom grabbed Misha and pushed him into a wall, causing his head to spin and his breath to catch.

“Don’t fucking touch her.” Tom would defend her, even after she slept with his best friend. Tom was devoted and convinced that in time he would come to obtain that which he loved most. Misha understood exactly how he felt because Tom’s feelings for Victoria mirrored Misha’s own for Jared.

“Fuck this, I’m leaving. Oh, hey…tell the slut to take the morning after pill. Wouldn’t want any little Collin’s running around would we.” Misha leaned into Tom’s ear “But I bet you would just love to father another man’s baby.” Misha laughed as he left his group of friends staring wide-eyed, his mind already made to go and visit Jared.

XOXO

“Jared?” Misha called hesitantly into the window of his friend. He had only been in the boys room briefly but still remembered its location. Tapping again, he grinned as Jared flicked on the light and opened the window.

“What are you doing here?” Jared leaned out the window, hoping his voice wouldn’t echo through the house and wake his mother.

“I wanted to see you.” Misha said simply, leaning in to kiss Jared’s lips only to get immediately pushed away.

“I told you…Chad. He’s gonna kill me when he finds out about this.” Misha could tell that inside Jared’s mind a storm was brewing, a storm focused on self-hatred.

“Jared, why are you with him then? Come and be with me. I won’t punish you.” Misha practically cooed at Jared, as if he was talking to a child.

“I deserve to be punished, I like it. I need it, I’m nothing without Chad.” Jared’s hazel eyes locked down onto the windowpane, unwilling to look at his friend.

“I can punish you.” Misha said simply, his eyes practically glowing as he thought of all the possibilities.

“Chad is the only one who…who” Jared pulled away from the window before slamming it closed. Drawing the curtains he stared into the mirror, whispering to himself “he is the only one who can love such a hideous beast.”  
  
[   
Chapter 5,   
](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/12481.html)


	5.  A Mirror of Imperfections

_  
**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 5**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: Abuse,  
Prompt: Field Trip  
Words: 1,984

  


  


A twisting feeling had settled in Jared’s stomach, tearing him apart with every thought of Chad. Each moment of separation was literally pushing Jared to his wits end. The problem was his mother’s refusal to allow Jared to visit or even call his boyfriend. The wide array of bruises she had discovered provided more than enough reason to protect her son, in Jared’s mind it was this protection that was killing him. Each of touch from Misha, even simple shoulder bumps, sent guilt spiraling through Jared. He needed Chad and was willing to fight to get him.

            When Mr. Ackles mentioned a field trip to a museum in the town where Jared used to reside, Jared nearly jumped out of his seat, quickly informing the teacher that he would be tagging along for the voluntary trip. Jared had a practical skip in his step for the entire week as the prospect of finally finding Chad at long last finding a way to overcome his guilt. A small fear had curled and settled in Jared’s stomach, a knotted bundle of insecurities and rationalizations. Jared wanted to believe, and most of him did in fact believe, that Chad had not moved on to another boytoy. Still, the nagging knot constantly reminded him that he had abandoned Chad and his response to that abandonment was solely Jared’s fault. He needed to be punished.

            As Jared stepped off the bus his stomach began to do flips, the world around him centered on Chad’s very existence. Jared’s eyes instantly began to search the crowd, hoping that somehow Chad would be able to sense his presence and appear at the museum. Mr. Ackles hand slid onto Jared’s shoulder, gently pushing him into the direction of the front door. Jared shrunk under the hand, more guilt twisting his heart away. The warm pressure of his teacher’s hand gripped his shoulder slightly harder in an attempt to get Jared’s attention.

“Are you okay, Jared?” Worry lines etched across the man’s fine features, green eyes set on Jared’s hazel globes.

“I’m fine, sir.” Jared forced a small smile as he moved away from the teacher, taking the steps to the building two at a time.

            Jared stepped in line with his classmates, walking down the long corridors filled with priceless objects. In an attempt to seem inconspicuous Jared paid close attention to most of the objects, buying his time until he could sneak away. He had no intention of returning to the school bus, or even to return home. Chad would take care of him; Chad always took care of Jared. While the class rounded a corner Jared simply headed in the direction of the bathrooms. Jared hid in the men’s stall for a few minutes before walking casually for the front of the building. Every inch of him was terrified of being caught but the need to feel Chad was too over whelming to ignore. Stepping out into the warm air of the afternoon he practically ran towards Chad’s house, a slight skip in his step.

            Jared knew the route by heart, every turn, and every crack in the sidewalk. This was the route to his heart, the only way to find his real home. Each step let waves of guilt fall away, his heart beginning to thud loudly in his chest as Chad’s house came into view. Practically skipping up the steps to the front door, Jared’s hand fisted as he rapped it against the door. Tapping his foot lightly against the wood porch, impatience mixing with anxiety as the door opened slowly, revealing a disheveled blonde.

“Jared? What are you doing here?” Chad’s blue eyes widened at the sight of his once boyfriend, awkwardly shuffling in his plaid boxers.

“I missed you, I needed to see you so I took a field trip from my field trip.” Jared threw his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, pulling him in for a tight hug.

“Jared, I um I really didn’t expect to see you again. Your mother tried to charge me with assault, did you know that? I just don’t think you worth the risk again.” Chad made no move to shut the door, knowing Jared would simply refuse to leave his porch.

“But…I love you. I’ve been bad, I let another boy touch my lips.” Tears swelled as Jared felt his heart shatter.

“Jared, are you going to run home and tell your mommy if I punish you?” Chad growled the words out, pulling Jared into the house by his shirt collar.

“No, I would never tell her. Chad, I’ve been so bad without you. Punish me? Teach me a lesson?” Jared’s voice shook as he collapsed in front of Chad, burring his face into his jeans.

“Go to my room, I’m going to teach you to keep your fucking mouth shut.” Chad pushed Jared away, leaving him whimpering on the floor.

            Crawling after Chad, Jared moved into the bedroom. The walls were lined with different forms of torture and domination. A simple wooden chair with leather straps attached to all four legs stood center. Jared took his rightful place on the chair, allowing Chad to roughly tie him into place, the leather digging painfully into his wrists and ankles. Chad moved out of Jared’s view, disappearing behind him.

“You’re a dirty little slut, aren’t you Jared? Have you been thinking about other men fucking you?” Jared could hear Chad removing his belt, and could almost feel the pleasant sting it would bring.

“I…I thought about another man. My tea…teacher.” Jared choked the words out, tears cascading down the curves of his cheeks.

            Chad replied with a painful swipe of the swipe across Jared’s thighs, the sound echoing through the room. Setting a brutal pace he began to whip Jared over and over, the hard metal clasp repeatedly hitting just above Jared’s knee. Tears began to flow more freely; all attempts at self-control gone as whimpers and almost screams fell from Jared’s mouth. Chad finally let the belt fall to the floor, moving once again out of Jared’s sight before returning again with scissors. Moving quickly, Chad began cutting all of Jared’s clothing away from his skin, leaving him bare and sitting on scraps of jeans and cotton. Red marks lined Jared’s thighs; small cuts from the metal clasp leaking blood down his calf.  

“Do you want me to punish you more? Teach you that I am the only one you are allowed to think about. You are nothing without me, just a dirty, broken slut. You need me Jared, don’t you ever fucking forget it either.”

            Chad’s words sent chills down Jared’s body, his dick hardening with each punctuation. Chad pulled a small nine tails whip from the wall, laughing as he slapped it roughly against the exposed skin of Jared’s upper back. Blow after blow struck until Jared was shaking and begging for mercy, tears and snot running down his face.

“This,” Chad grabbed roughly at Jared’s withering erection, “Is mine and I’ll do with it as I please” Chad squeezed to hard before releasing him completely.

“I’m yours, all yours.” Jared managed to choke out, his hips thrusting upwards in an attempt to find Chad.

            Chad laughed before once again swinging the whip, the leather loudly colliding with Jared’s cock. Swing after painful swing, the leather collided painfully. Jared whimpered at each blissful moment before the next collision, and screamed at each painful meeting of flesh and leather. Chad finally relented as small trickles of blood slid down Jared’s thighs, his cock painfully bruised and swollen from the beating. Cupping Jared’s face in his hands, Chad looked down for a moment before he began hitting him with his bare fist. Jared accepted each blow, whispering “I love you”s until Chad began whaling on his jaw. The packing sounds filled the room until at last Jared could no longer hear anything beyond Chad destroying his face. Jared’s eyes began to swell until at last her could no long see Chad at all; the pain was the only reminder of his presence.

            Jared began to slip in and out of consciousness, dully aware that he no longer heard the packing sound. A chill running along his body was what finally woke him, his eyes unable to open he listened for any sound. The silence was almost deafening, the only sounds was that of passing cars.

“Jared? Are you awake?” An unfamiliar voice called to him, causing panic to bubble to the surface. Attempting to move away from the sound, Jared felt a cool wall press against his back. “Jared, it is me, Mr. Ackles. I returned to the museum with my car after returning the other students to school. When I arrived I found you on the front steps.”

“Chad?” Jared’s voice was hardly above a whisper as he reached his hand out for the one body he needed.

“Your mother was not home when I visited your house, it seems she left her cell phone or is simply not answering it. Do you know another way I can reach her? I may need to take you to the hospital, your face is pretty damaged.”

“No…I…I’m fine. Chad was teaching me to be a good boy. I’ll be good now.” Tears once again began to stream out of the swollen eyes, Jared just barely able to see as he forced them open. “I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll be good now. Good now. Good now. Good now.” Jared began to tremble, rocking back and forth in the fetal position until he felt a hand rub along his chest.

“Jared, you aren’t wearing the clothes you left in. I…I want to check for other injuries but I don’t want to invade your personal space. Can I look?”

            Jared simply nodded his head in reply and mumbled that he would be a good boy. Mr. Ackles began to slip the foreign shirt from his body, blood staining the back of the fabric. Taking a deep breath, the teacher pulled his student’s pants down. Immediately the sight of blood and the lack of underwear had the teacher’s eyes averted. Jared was badly bruised and slightly cut along his thighs; his penis was swollen and nearly purple. The injuries would not require a doctor, but would need attention to avoid further swelling.

“Jared, I need to get you into a bathtub, I am going to call your mother again first. I really do need her permission to have you stay the night, and it is rather late.” Jared heard quiet mumbling before the teacher returned to his side. “Well, it seems your mother was called away unexpectedly to see her sister. She has been on a plane and couldn’t answer her phone. Jared? You’re going to stay with me for the night, and tomorrow we will see where we stand. You may need to go to the hospital.”

            The man leaned down, smoothing Jared’s hair from his face before tucking him into his arms. The walk to the bathtub was strenuous and Jared gasped as the warm water washed over his damaged skin.

“I…I wanted to be punished. Am I good now?” Jared’s voice shook, as he forced his eyes to open enough to stare at his teacher.

“Yes, Jared. You are good.” Mr. Ackles voice shook slightly as tears filled his eyes. The boy before him was broken, body and soul, and he could only mourn the loss and pray for a recovery. Even bruised and beaten Jared still looked angelic, his movie star good looks only slightly hidden. “You are good now Jared.”  
  
[   
Chapter 6,   
](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/12627.html)


	6.  A Mirror of Imperfections

_  
**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 6**   
_   


Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: None  
Prompt: Shopping  
Word Count: 1629

  
Jared awoke to find that not only could he fully open his eyes but that he was also not laying in Chad’s room. Jared had assumed that his interactions with his teacher had been a dream, a way of calming himself after the punishment. Even through all of the pain the only comfort he really longed for was Chad’s arms around him. Typically after a punishment Jared was left on the rough carpet while Chad slept in the bed. Chad never touched him in even the most casual ways, and especially never in sexual ways. He had informed Jared early on that he wasn’t good enough to be touched. Jared had once been whipped for hours because he pressed his lips against Chad’s.

            Naturally the feeling of fingertips running along his arm sent Jared’s eyes flying open, searching once more for Chad. Before him Mr. Ackles sat, a cup of tea in one hand while the other gently shook Jared awake. The teacher looked slightly disheveled and exhausted, as though he had been up all night. A deep sigh of relief passed through fully lips, green eyes practically burning through Jared’s skull. Moving quickly Jared pushed himself flat against the wall, slamming his eyes shut.

“Jared, I’m not going to hurt you. Your mother is trying to catch a flight home but a storm rolled in and the airport canceled all flights. She asked me to keep you here until she gets home. I think we should take you to the hospital just in case your injuries need treated.” The man’s thick voice was calm, almost as though he had come to terms with the events passed.

“Where is Chad?” Jared’s voice was shaky from lack of use, his eyes still pulled tightly closed.

“I don’t know who Chad is. Is he the one you snuck off to meet?” Mr. Ackles reached out for a small glass of water, leaning it over Jared’s damaged, cracked lips.

            Drinking deeply, Jared sucked down as much water as his throat could hold before turning away. Water spilled down his chest and the strange shirt covering him. Opening his eyes for the first time, Jared stared down at the simple Blue Oyster Cult tee shirt. Knowing Chad’s taste in music it became clear that the shirt belonged to his teacher.

“Jared, do you have a key to your house? I lent you a shirt and a pair of sweat pants but I am sure you would feel more comfortable in your own clothes.” The teacher asked as he let the glass gently thud onto the table. “I could take you home to get some.”

“No, I…my mother haven’t made another key for the house yet. We keep meaning to but…” Jared’s voice slipped away as he considered his mother leaving him without a way to get inside. “Do you know where my cell phone is? I think my mother meant for me to go and stay with my father.”

“You didn’t have a cell phone on you when I found you. You can call your mother from my phone.” The teacher fiddled around in his pocket before finally freeing a new iphone. Chuckling at Jared’s shocked facial expression he mumbled “The joys of being a bachelor and having money to spare”

            Jared carefully dialed his mother’s phone number, his fingers shaking slightly as he pressed the screen. His mother answered on the second ring, happily laughing when Jared asked if he should go to his father’s. The simple answer to everything involving his father was no. No he was not meant to go to his father’s house, no she had not thought about the fact that he didn’t have a key, no he could not go to see Dad because he had left town as well. Jared was simply left with nothing but “no” and a deep sense of rejection. His family had practically forgotten his existence and went along with their own lives. Jared simply handed the phone to his teachers, closing his eyes once more and letting his mind wander back to Chad.

“Jared? Your mother would like me to take you shopping. She says that she did leave you some money in the mailbox. Your going to stay with me for the weekend and when she gets home she will make you an appointment with your regular physician.” Mr. Ackles took a deep breath, almost as though he was relieved to have the phone call over with. “Do you want me to help you out of bed so that you can join me shopping, or would you rather I go and pick out your clothes. I should warn you that when I try and dress young I end up looking like Kevin Federline.”

            Jared couldn’t help the giggle that escaped his lips as he pictured his stunning but very professional teacher dressing like a wangster. Pulling himself from the bed Jared declined help, he had been punished enough times to not only accept the pain but to embrace it. This was all a part of his punishment and he deserved every second of pain he endured. After all, Chad knew best.

            The walk to the car was painful, the material of his sweat pants rubbing painfully across the fresh cuts on his thighs. Each step the pain slowly faded away, his ability to accept and forget the pain instantly working to his advantage. By the time they had arrived at Jared’s house, the pain had faded away to a dull ache when he moved. His mother had left two hundred dollars in the mailbox and a note instructing him to go to a hotel or stay with friends. Jared wasn’t sure if his teacher actually counted as a friend, but pocketed the money.

            The mall was crowded as people rushed along the paths, all in search of the perfect deal. Jared made a beeline for an American Eagle store, wanting to impress his teacher with his fashion sense. Almost immediately guilt washed over him. Had Chad not punished him enough for his affections towards Misha and Mr. Ackles? The familiar ache and burn as he moved provided enough relief as he slipped into the too cold store. Other customers and employees stared at Jared’s damaged face, some almost moving to question the bruises. Moving quickly he grabbed two pairs of jeans and two shirts from the sale rack. Knowing before trying them on that they would fit, he paid and rushed out of the store, his teacher silently following.

“You didn’t buy anything to sleep in? Would you like to visit another store?” His teacher’s voice was etched with concern and hesitation. Clearly he wanted to leave as soon as possible.

“Yes, I uh I need to buy that so I’ll um hit Old Navy.”

            Jared practically ran into the store, his eyes scanning for underwear and sweat pants. The familiar men’s section almost comforted him as he scanned the shelves until he found a thin pair of navy blue sweats. Tossing a package of underwear onto his pile he practically ran to the check out line.

“Jared?” A voice called to him form behind, the familiar flirty voice hanging in the air as Jared turned to face Misha.

“Hey,” He faked casual as he smiled sweetly, his eyes set on the floor.

“Holy shit! Your face is…wow what happened?” Misha moved quickly, his fingers tracing the purple bruises around Jared’s eyes.

“Um I fell down the stairs.” Jared flinched away from the touch, not wanting anyone but Chad to touch him.

“You…fell down the stairs? Are you in an abusive relationship and covering for your angry husband?” Misha joked, smiling and accepting Jared’s lie.

“I really, really gotta go. We can uh talk later. I lost my phone though, so don’t call or text me. I’ll see you on Monday.”

            Jared heard a goodbye in the distance as he tossed his items onto the checkout counter, nervously looking behind him. Mr. Ackles was seated on a bench just outside of the store, his eyes locked on Jared. Fumbling with his money, Jared practically threw the bills onto the counter. The sales woman simply smiled, her eyes looking anywhere but at his face. Jared tucked the few left over bills into his bag and bolted for the door.

“Would you like to stop by the food court?” Mr. Ackles asked, pulling himself from the bench.

“No, I…lets leave. Please Mr. Ackles?” Jared practically pleaded as he stared into the jade abyss of his teacher’s eyes.

“Okay, we can leave. Jared, I would like you to call me Jensen when we are not in school. I really hate how formal it sounds.”

“Okay” Jared mumbled, knowing he would probably still refer to him as Mr. Ackles. “I just wanna leave”

            The walk to the car was almost as silent as the ride home, each mile sliding away until at last they reached the teacher’s house. Jared hadn’t bother looking as they left and couldn’t remember entering the first time, but the house before him was quite nice. The red brick was lined with thick green vines, swirling up a trellis and outward to cover most of the house. The yard was large and hidden from the road by a large stone fence.

“How can you afford this house? It’s huge.” Jared asked as his eyes scanned the many windows.

“It is the house I grew up in, I inherited it when my parents died when I was 18.” The man said quietly as he walked past Jared.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jared needed to learn to keep his mouth shut, just as Chad had said. Apparently the lesson had not worked well enough, Jared would simply need to visit Chad again. Soon.

  
[Chapter 7,](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/13180.html)   



	7.  A Mirror of Imperfections

_  
**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 7**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: Slightly sexual  
Prompt: Sports  
Word Count: 1035

  


       Jensen had begun to panic when Jared’s first tears slipped free, his constant assumption that he was bad. Something was wrong with the entire situation, something was wrong with Jared. Jensen couldn’t help but long to fix him, to wipe away the tears and make him feel his worth. However, these thoughts began to wander past the student-teacher relationship and into a dangerous land of passion. Naturally, Jensen wanted to avoid his fantasy and hide away from the thought of a beautiful body spread out under his. The only solution was avoiding Jared all together, which was impossible seeing as he was currently staying with him, or providing an adequate distraction.

            The distraction came in the form of female volleyball streaming directly to his own idiot box. Beyond providing a distraction for himself, it also was a firm “I have no interest in anything sexual”, honestly he was more concerned for the women as they land in the dense sand, than interested in their bodies. Jensen was as gay as the day was long, and in his prime it had been raining men. Recently though, he had decided to focus more on his career and less on finding yet another man to walk on him.

“Mr. Ackles?” Jared’s voice broke Jensen’s trance-like stare at the television, his green eyes snapping over to Jared’s perfect hazel ones.

 “Yes?” Jensen would need to once again return to pretending not to want to reach over ad soothe away the boy’s worry lines.

“Have you ever been in love?” Jared’s voice shook slightly, his own fears crawling up his spine.

“Yes, I have. Why do you ask?”

“Is love supposed to hurt? Chad, he always punishes me and I just…when will he just hold me? I mean how long does that usually take?” Jared’s fingers dug slightly into his pants, wishing to punish himself for even mentioning Chad.

“Love has painful moments but the moments of happiness should out weigh the pain. What kind of punishment?”

“He beats me mostly, sometimes he uses whips. I deserve it all; I mean look at how deformed I am. Chad loves me even though I have nothing to offer, he is right to punish me.”

“Jared…when you love someone you don’t intentionally hurt them and you never hit them. What makes you think you are deformed?” Jensen couldn’t help but let his eyes caress the perfect expanse of skin stretched over firm muscle.

“I know what I look like, I’m not like you or Misha…I’m not beautiful. I’m disgusting and pathetic. I don’t deserve love.” A tear slipped from Jared’s eye, streaming down the familiar track left by thousands of previous tears.

“You could never be disgusting or pathetic. You are very handsome and intelligent boy, which is part of why Misha is constantly trying to date you. You have so much to offer and yet you hide yourself away.”

“I’m not handsome.”

“Yes, you are.” Jensen’s hand slipped over Jared’s, squeezing slightly.

“Please, I don’t deserve to be touched by you. I might…I might taint you.”

“Taint me? I doubt it” Once again Jensen squeezed the boys hand, his eyes locked on the hazel perfection.

“Everything hurts, I just wish that I was better so that Chad would hold me and tell me everything is okay, that I’m okay, I need to be okay. God, why can’t I be okay?”

            Jensen pulled Jared into his arms, hugging him against his chest. The tears slide easily from Jared’s eyes, soaking through Jensen’s thin tee shirt. Each tear cracking Jensen’s heart until at last he could take no more, his lips gently pressing against Jared’s. Even with tears and swollen eyes the boy was beautiful, his hands clenching around Jensen’s shirt. The gentle sliding of lips, the slip of Jensen’s tongue passed Jared’s lips was all too much. Too much sensation, too much sadness, too broken, Jared pulled away first.

“I’ve never really done that, Chad doesn’t like touching or kissing.” Jared’s eyes slammed shut, his cheeks blazing.

“”Did you…like it?” Jensen could feel waves of guilt mixing with the distinct sensation of pleasure.

“I…yes.” Jared’s eyes stayed firmly shut.

“Then open your eyes, look at me.”

“I can’t, I…I’m not worthy of looking at you and I am definitely not worthy of kissing you.”

“Jared, I am a grown man. I can decide who is “worthy”” Jensen did air quotes even as Jared’s eyes stayed closed. “I want to make you feel beautiful, I want you to see what I see.”

“I’m not beautiful.” Jared said firmly, another tear slipping from his closed lids.

            Jensen pulled himself from the couch, the boy’s breath catching for a moment before Jensen’s hand pulled him from the couch. Slowly guiding his student to the room, Jensen let his fingers slide up Jared’s shirt. Fingers kneading into firm muscle as he nudged Jared into his bedroom. Pushing him onto the bed, Jensen began undressing Jared. The clothes slipped free easily as Jared’s eyes remained firmly shut, his body bear and exposed to his teacher. Fingertips explored his back, caressing and worshiping each muscle.

“Your right you aren’t beautiful, you’re perfect. You are gorgeous.” Jensen’s lips pressed against the small of Jared’s back, his nose nuzzling into the downy hairs.  “Tell me to stop, Jared.”

“Please, don’t stop.” Jared practically sobbed the words, desperation leaking through his words.

            Jensen moved from the bed, shrugging out of his clothes. Flicking the light off quickly he slide onto the bed next to Jared. Pulling the blanket from the end of the bed he tossed it over both of them, his hands sliding over Jared. Hugging him close, Jensen couldn’t help but sigh happily. Although, he could feel his aching cock pressed against Jared’s cheeks, so close to his fantasies, Jensen refused to pursue it farther.

“I wont use you the way Chad did, if there ever comes a time that you are ready for something more than I am here waiting. Until then, just let me hold you.” Jensen reached out for the remote on his nightstand, flicking the television on and resuming the volley ball game. “The perfect cold shower” He chuckled as he felt his erection wither.  
  
[   
Chapter 8,   
](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/15194.html)


	8.  A Mirror of Imperfections

_  
**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 8**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Prompt: Teenage Parent  
Warnings: None  
Words: 1000   
  


  


Some part of Jared felt perfect when Jensen’s arms were enclosing him, skin pressing against skin. The thought of being away from the perfect heat of Jensen’s skin was petrifying and for a moment he couldn’t help but wish that school wasn’t calling. Still, the alarm was blaring and Jensen was pulling away, stretching the vast expanse of muscle. Jared’s breath caught as he stared at the beautiful man, the image only adding to his morning erection. Jared felt a familiar blush cross his features as he tried to force his eyes to look down, yet he once again found himself staring at his teacher’s form.

“Outta bed, Jared. We need to get ready to go.” Jensen shrugged as he walked into the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar.

            Jared simply stared at the small reflection he could see in the mirror, his eyes wide as his teacher dropped his boxers. It was all too much, too good for Jared. He once again craved Chad, craved his punishment for wanting, needing, another man. Jared finally willed himself to move, to pull on his new clothes. Something was changing; he could feel a spark deep inside a place he had never known existed. Jared was starting to feel better; he was beginning to feel less like infectious waste and more like an actual person. If his beautiful teacher could hold him then he couldn’t be completely hideous.  

            The morning was surprisingly mundane, as though Jensen and Jared had spent years perfecting their morning routine. Jensen made coffee while Jared made toast, they ate while watching the news, and then practically skipped off to the car. Everything seemed perfect, as though Jared had found an alternate universe where he belonged, a place where he was beautiful. The moment he arrived at school things changed. Jensen was back to being his English teacher and Jared felt a million insecurities wash over him. The balance was slipping away and new Jared was fading into old Jared. A sudden pressure on his hand snapped him from the waves of self-hatred. His teacher smiled happily before slipping silently out of the car. Jared could only follow suit, his eyes locked on Jensen.

“If you don’t stop looking at me like that, I am going to have to take you home. There is only so much stimulation a man can take before he goes insane.” The man laughed deeply, his head thrown back.

“Stimulation?” Jared’s voice sounded different, deeper and more confident.

“Oh, come on I saw how hard you were this morning. Now, lets get inside before someone hears.” Jensen walked in the general direction of the front of school, his pace set nice and slow.

            Jared happily followed behind, taking the chance to note that his teacher was slightly bowlegged, the curves of his legs practically calling to Jared until he suddenly felt his face slam into the man’s back. For a moment confusion took over, shaking his head Jared looked around his teacher to find Misha sitting on the curb. Tears were streaming down the beautiful boy’s face, his eyes puffy and red, his hands shaking slightly as he attempted to pull himself from the ground.

“Misha? What happened?” The words escaped Jared without permission, before he could analyze the situation Misha was in his arms and crying into his shoulder.

“She got pregnant.” Three simple words that shifted and changed everything, three words that had potentially destroyed Misha and Victoria’s life.

“I…is she keeping the baby?” The words came from Jensen, who simply hugged Misha from behind, worry lining his features.

“Tom…wants her to keep the baby and move in with him.” Misha pulled away from Jared’s shoulder, an imprint of his face soaked into the fabric. “He wants to raise my child but I…I can’t let him do it. It was my mistake and I need to suck it up and be a man.”

“Misha?” Jared’s voice was tiny, barely above a whisper “He loves her, he’ll love the baby too. It isn’t fair to take that kind of love away from Victoria.”

            Misha was silent, the gears slowly turning in his mind as he processed the situation. Jared could practically feel his need to be with his child but he could also recognize Misha’s desire to be free. The entire situation was painful and as Misha’s thoughts began to spin and spiral out of control, Jared couldn’t help but realize he had more security in his life than the man he was holding. Although, Jared still did not see himself as beautiful, he did see the blessings before him, the blessing whose fingers gently ran across his own every so often.

“I…I see your point.” Misha sniffled slightly, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to Jared’s cheek. “God I wish I was Chad, he is such a lucky man.”

“Jared is no longer with Chad.” The words shocked Jared and he leaned around to stare in confusion, the green eyes simply returning the stare.

“Wait, your single? Now that I am about to be a father…and unable to date, you are finally single. Figures” Misha shook his head, a smile crossing his features as he considered the irony.

“I’m not single, just not with Chad.” The words were easier than they should have been, it should have hurt to let go of Chad but instead it was easy. Jensen was changing Jared, putting back the pieces that Chad broke.

“You already have another boyfriend?” Misha’s face went slack for a moment before a sly smile appeared “Holy shit your fucking Mr. Ackles! Kinky!”

“We are not “fucking” as you so vulgarly accused.” Jensen smiled sweetly as he pulled away from both boys, “I’ll leave you to your fantasies then.”

  
[   
Chapter 9,   
](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/16644.html)   
  


  
  



	9.  A Mirror of Imperfections

_**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 9**_  
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Prompt: Wild Card  
Word Count: 1526  
Warnings: Physical Abuse

 

A shift vibrated through the air, a buzz of change floating casually by. The school was all but on fire with the news of Victoria's pregnancy; Misha's reputation taking a hit while Victoria's came crashing down. Jared felt bad for the commotion and couldn't help but wonder if his relationship with Jensen would reach the ears of the student body. Although, they had never made love, or even touched in a sexual way, the emotional attachment was too deep to deny. Jared relied on Jensen to reassure him, to help him push back his feelings of self-disgust. Some moments Jared couldn't bare to look in the mirror or to have Jensen's eyes linger on him, others he couldn't help but lace their fingers together. Jared still felt the urge to return to Chad, to beg for punishment. Chad was frequently the monster in the closet, but a constant monster that Jared could always turn to.

Jared had confessed his cravings for pain with Jensen, explained his need to feel the familiar tingle as pain shot through his body. Jensen had quickly scolded him and held him as he cried, tears cascading down his face and onto his lover's shirt. Each tear was a dagger in Jensen's heart, driving him to react, driving him to save the boy drowning before his eyes. A strange sort of affection was building, one centered on self-preservation and _need._ Jared needed Jensen more than air; in turn Jensen needed to fix Jared. Dependency was quick to form and the past quickly returning in waves to haunt both student and teacher.

"Who did you love?" Jared was almost afraid to ask, but curiosity was quick to win over. Jensen was always pushing Jared to express his feelings and concerns.

"I love a man named Derek." Jensen's eyes dropped, pain flashing across his features.

"What happened?" Jared instantly felt waves of guilt, his heart pounding as he felt the familiar craving for Chad to force him to close his mouth. "Never mind, you don't need to answer."

"No, Jared I don't mind talking about it. Honestly, I am just glad that you got up the nerve to ask." Jensen pulled Jared's hand into his own, smiling as Jared, who looked almost relaxed on his teacher's couch. "I loved him and in turn he loved everyone else. He cheated on me for months and eventually left me for my best friend. I haven't dated since, I decided to focus on my career and helping other gay men."

"I'm sorry," the words were hardly above a whisper, Jared's eyes locked on his finger intertwined with Jensen's.

"I'm not, if I had stayed with him I would be with you. I wouldn't trade you for the world." Jensen leaned in to briefly slant his lips over Jared's pulling away an inch before asking, "Who is Chad?"

Jared instantly pulled away, his eyes wide as he stared into the perfect green swirls. For a moment he felt his throat close around the words, a thousand images of Chad reminding him whom he was loyal to. Flashbacks of hours of torture and painful words, millions of insecurities all etched into his skin. Chad was his everything, the only thing he had ever hoped to obtain. Jensen was everything he had ever hoped to be. The two clashed in his mind, fighting for loyalty.

"Chad Michael Murray is a twenty year old college student. We…we met in a book store." The words were easier to say than he had thought, his heart making the final decision on which man he loved. "I was reading a book about self love and he asked me how I could ever love myself with such deformities. We started meeting every few days and eventually he took me home with him. Chad is a history major, once he explained that he loved the contrast of modern torture devices and medieval ones. He has all sorts of weapons on his walls, mostly decorative, but some of them, like hi whips, he uses to punish me. Chad's parents…well they use to punish him if he wasn't perfect and he told me that if I let him, he could fix me. I went to Chad every time I had a thought about another man and he would fix me."

Silence filled the room as Jensen stared at the wall, his thoughts practically written across his face. A mix of anger and immense sadness was evident, a hint of jealousy and something darker. For a moment Jared suddenly wondered if Jensen would leave him, unable to understand his need to obtain perfection. Chad had obtained perfection and promised Jared the same, promised to free him of a thousand insecurities and imperfections.

"You're not broken, Jared. The only person who is broken and deserves to be punished is Chad." The teacher stood, running a hand through his tinted blond hair before quickly leaving the room. The sound of car starting was the only thing that alerted Jared to his teachers departing.

XOXO

Jared waited patiently; hours passing like minutes, until he finally left his teacher's house. The cool night air embraced him as he walked the short distance home. Much like the route to Chad's house he had this path memorized, he knew his way to the heaven where Jensen often wait and to the hell where Chad would punish him. Two worlds, colliding and crashing together; Jared could barely grasp that both could not remain. His teacher's sudden departure left Jared with flares of insecurities and questions all amounting to the fact that Jensen finally understood just how broken he was, forcing him to flee.

XOXO

Jensen stared down at the beautiful blond seated on the chair, straps binding him to the four legs. Unable to move and unable to see, Jensen couldn't help but laugh at the pathetic specimen of a man. Once again, the boy cried out, pleading for answers and begging to be set free. Jensen couldn't hide his smirk as he brought the whip down on the boy's thighs, the sound filling the room.

"Tell me something, Chad?" Jensen was almost surprised at the dark tone that filled his voice. "Is breaking Jared like a vacation from real life for you? When I beat you, it is almost like taking a vacation from myself. It is like I can separate myself from the man who is beating you. Do you feel that way, Chad? Or are you simply trying to obtain vengeance against your parents for beating you?"

"I…I was trying to fix him. He wan…wanted it so bad." Chad's voice was breaking, weak from the wrenched sobs and the time he spent screaming while gagged. All Jensen need do was turn up the music until at last the boy began to quite.

"You couldn't just love him? That would have fixed him." Jensen could hear the raw emotion in his voice; the desperation as he whipped the man who had broke his lover.

"Jared…he told me when we first met that he had…had a fantasy. I was doing what he wanted." Tears streamed down his face, pushing past the blindfold.

"Fantasy? What fantasy?" Jensen could feel his blood thicken and freeze, his world spinning.

"He just wanted someone…to punish him. He wanted to loose control for once. I've been dating for over a year. Rec…recently he wanted to play this game. I beat him," For a moment Chad was overcome by tears, his voice closed off as he sobbed quietly. "I hurt him and then I fu…uck him. I tried to say no but he said he would leave me. When he switched schools we promised we would try to stay together but…but one day he came to me saying he wanted me to really hurt him. He said…there was a teacher and he wanted him. His mom was far away and his dad wants nothing to do with him. Logically…he figured-"

"He figured what? That he could manipulate his teacher into falling in love with him?" Jensen could hear the desperation and fear in his voice.

"He figured that he could finally have a challenge. A teacher…he's always wanted to fuck a teacher. I went along with it because I love him."

"You're lying!" Jensen couldn't help but scream, tears washing down his cheeks.

"No, I'm not. Look, Jared isn't who you think he is Jensen. He…he's darker and twisted and if he finds out that I ruined your game…he'll kill me."

"Jared would never…" Jensen could already feel his own doubt sinking in.

"He's beautiful isn't he? Even when he is bloodied and battered he is beautiful, he knows it too." Chad whimpered slightly, as though he was fully aware that he was under Jared's spell.

"He…he would never do anything to hurt me." Jensen simply stared at Chad, tears streaming down his face. Fear began to bubble just under the surface, a million images of Jared bloodied and bruised coming to mind.

"You can't let him know…he's dangerous." Chad's words shook Jensen, shivers running down his spine as he let the ties fall free from the boy's wrists and legs.  
[Chapter 10,](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/17043.html)

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	10.  A Mirror of Imperfections

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**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 10**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Prompt: Sneaking on School grounds  
Word Count:  
Warnings: Slash, rape

  


  
Jensen could feel a shift in the air as he walked onto school grounds, the air filled with wisps of moisture from his breath. He was determined to look through Jared's file, to find the truth. If he was being honest with himself, Jensen was terrified that Chad hadn't been lying. There was something so honest and sincere in the boy's voice, but he was hard press to believe that his lover was dangerous. Unlocking the doors to the school, Jensen walked inside, his footsteps echoing through the hallways. Once again there was a bubble of fear, his legs moving him faster until he was fumbling with his keys and finally throwing the door closed. Relaxing into his chair without bothering to flick the lights on, Jensen felt a bit silly. Jared was a seventeen-year-old boy who was too insecure to function most days.   
  


  
"I know what he told you." Jared's voice snapped Jensen from naïve dreams about a happily ever after.   
  


  
"Jared? How did you get in here? I unlocked the doors when I was coming in." Jensen forced the shake from his voice, smiling slightly.   
  


  
"The window was open, but honestly I have copies of all of your keys." Jared shrugged as he moved towards his teacher, his height towering over the man.   
  


  
"Why are you here?" Jensen forced his legs to stay grounded, not to bolt for the door.   
  


  
"I wanted you, I've always wanted you. Chad ruined everything, he ruined what we could have had together." Jared leaned in closer, his lips pressing lightly against his teacher's forehead.   
  


  
"He…he didn't ruin us. We can make it work," Jensen could taste the bitter lie on his tongue and he knew Jared could hear it.   
  


  
"You were so easy, so broken and longing to feel needed." Jared shrugged as he pulled Jensen into his chest, wrapping his arms around the man. "I wasn't going to hurt you, I just wanted to make you fall in love with me. Chad ruined all of my plans; he is so incapable, you though? You are perfect. I wondered if you would rush off to hurt Chad but I figured you had no idea where he lived. So romantic, Jensen, when you come to my defense, you just love playing the hero."   
  


  
"What do you want from me?" Jensen realized all too quickly that Jared was much stronger than he seemed, his arms effectively pinning his teacher.   
  


  
"I want what was promised to me. I'm ready and I want you." Jared pressed his lips against Jensen's neck, licking away a drip of perspiration. "I want you to pretend that you don't know, I want you to let _broken_ Jared make love to you. You're going to pretend that you still love me,"   
  


  
"I do love you," Once again Jensen lied, his heart clenching painfully.   
  


  
"Atta boy, now strip for me." Jared let his arms fall from Jensen, an expecting smile gracing his lips.   
  


  
"No, I'm not playing along with your game anymore." Jensen made a move to the door, relieved to be free from Jared's arms.   
  


  
"You're not, really?" Jared laughed as he pulled a knife from its holder fastened to his lower back. "Oh, Jenny boy. I think you're going to do whatever the fuck I say. Now strip right fucking now or I'll carve your pretty skin off piece by piece."   
  


  
Jared could see the disbelief in his teacher's eyes, the raw panic as he flicked a glance at the empty classroom and then the knife in his once lover's hands. It was all too real, too painful for Jensen to accept. Jared laughed as he stared at the man, taking in all of his fear and letting it build his confidence. Jared couldn't resist sliding the knife up Jensen's button up shirt, buttons dropping softly to the ground. Jared and Jensen trembled in the same instant, the knife running against the older man's skin, leaving a trail of blood in its wake.   
  


  
"Strip for me Jenny, do it baby." Jared cooed, taking half a step back.   
  


  
A curt nod was Jensen's only response, his hands shaking as his shirt fell to the ground, the shaking fingers moving to lift his undershirt from his body. The cotton fell silently to the floor, white skin glistening in the dull light floating in through the window. Jared felt his breath catch as he stared at the man before him, pants and boxers falling with a quite thud to the ground. The man stepped out of his shoes and kicked his socks of silently, his eyes locked on the floor. Jared let his hand creep up Jensen's naked body, caressing the curves of muscle and the tight jut of hipbone. He could hear his teacher's breath catch as his hand moved to stroke the hardening member. Stroking him to full hardness, Jared slipped a hand behind his teacher's back, slowly pushing him forward until his chest fell against the cold table.   
  


  
Jared had no intention of prepping his teacher, he had been looking forward to the tight heat that would devour him, but with the man spread out on the desk, shaking slightly, he couldn't fight the wave of affection that rose within him. Sighing, he slipped the knife back into its holder, his anticipation building. Pulling lube from his pocket, Jared slicked a finger and roughly pushed it inside, earning a pained grunt. Jared pushed another finger in, savoring the sounds falling from his teacher's lips as his fingers scissored. Pulling free, Jared quickly pushed his pants down, rubbing the lube against his cock, barely pausing before pushing past the tight ring of muscle. In one thrust he was balls deep, his lover letting out a pain filled sob. Each thrust brought him closer to the edge, his thrusts gaining speed as he slammed home time and time again. He was vaguely aware that the man he was inside was crying, the sobs brought him over as he come pulsed out in thick ropes, filling his teacher.   
  


  
Taking a step back, Jared leaned against the wall as he caught his breath and tucked himself back into his pants. Jensen was still bent over the desk, tears slipping free from the gorgeous green eyes. Jared felt a small wave of guilt as he stared at the broken man, too damaged to move on his own accord. Sighing deeply he stepped closer, his hand running up the length of the man's back. He could feel the tremble, the way Jensen pulled away from the touch.   
  


  
"Jenny? I love you." He had not meant to provide comfort, but the words had slipped free on their own accord. Closing his eyes for a moment Jared leaned in to kiss his teacher's bareback. Without another word he left the room, all to ready to free himself from the sudden pain in his chest.  
  
  
  
[   
Chapter 11,   
](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/17210.html)   
  


  



	11.  A Mirror of Imperfections

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**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 11**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Prompt: Private/Prep School  
Word Count:  
Warnings: Mentions of violence.

  


From his desk at the new preparatory school he worked at, Jensen skimmed the headlines. The murder of Chad Michael Murray had made headlines for weeks; the rape portion of the story was only given to the police. Jared had disappeared almost as quickly as he had come, leaving in his wake a broken town and a broken man. Jensen was terrified of facing the monster that haunted his dreams; he often awoke screaming bloody murder. Memories of Jared lingered weeks after the incident, weeks after the ache in his body had left. Part of Jensen missed the boy, missed the boy he had been in love with. The rest of Jensen wanted to forget that he had once loved a monster in disguise. Jared's pretty face would draw raw screams from Jensen, tears spilling at the mere mention of the name.

Jared had avoided capture for weeks, the police finally accepting that he had left town after a month without a trace. Jensen was the only person who _knew_ Jared would never leave, not while Jensen remained. Changing the locks on the doors and windows was the first step; the next step was installing a new alarm system. Finally he had hired a bodyguard, convinced that Jared would return to kill him. Chad's body had been badly mutilated, disfigured and disgusting. The police had assured Jensen time and time again that Jared would not do the same thing to him, but Jensen _knew._ He knew that he would never be free of his own personal demon, not until he was dead.

As soon as he hired the bodyguard strange notes began appearing on his whiteboard in Jared's handwriting. The preparatory school had very high security, which was Jensen's reason for obtaining the job. The first message had simply said "You can run and you can hide but I can always see you Jenny." The next night the police had staked the school out to no avail, eventually claiming that a student had written it as a joke. Jensen knew different, he knew that Jenny was a nickname that only Jared used.

Misha was found dead five days after the mysterious note, the same day that another message appeared on the whiteboard. "Inside your perfect prison, hiding in your preparatory…I can still see you. Come on, Jenny? Lets play." Every word aside one had been written in marker, "Jenny" was written in Misha's blood. Jensen had quickly quit his job at the prep school, suddenly fearing for not only his own safety but also that of the students. Jensen had refused to attend Misha's funeral, too guilty and desperately afraid to leave the house. It all felt too planned and perfect for any normal seventeen year old to pull off. All motels, hotels, and abandoned houses had been searched with no trace of Jared. He was a ghost, haunting Jensen and pushing him towards the edge of his sanity. As long as Jared was alive, Jensen would remain unhappy and petrified. His job at the prep school was everything he had ever dreamed of, providing him with the chance to mentor young queer students as well as adequate pay. Jared would never let him live happily; after all he hadn't finished his game.

[Chapter 12,](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/17552.html)


	12.  A Mirror of Imperfections

_**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 12**_  
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: Mild Violence  
Prompt: Student/Teacher- Substitute Teacher  
Word Count:623

   Jensen could only stare at the scene before him, his once student and the teacher who had taken his place at the prep school were standing before him, the younger man wearing a smirk and the substitute teacher wearing a mask of fear. Blood dripped from a small flesh wound on the teacher’s collarbone, Jared’s hand wrapped tightly around the man’s neck. It was too horrific to watch as Jared slowly tightened his grip, the man turning red as he was constricted. Fear and disgust curled together until Jensen couldn’t hold his scream in.

“Please, Jared, please.” He was begging for a man’s life, begging for any sign of mercy. Jared let the man fall to the ground as soon as he lost consciousness.  

“He thought he could replace you, baby. I just wanted to show him otherwise.” Jared smiled, almost innocently, as he looked at Jensen with perfect hazel eyes.

“I didn’t want the job anymore! You…you fucking ruined my life! You ruined my job and you killed my student!” Tears were already building and pouring down his face as he considered Misha’s death.

“I didn’t want to hurt Misha, I really didn’t.” Jensen could trace the regret in the boy’s face, his eyes sad and tired.

“What happened?”

“I was coming home-here naturally- and he saw me. He was going to ruin my game so I did what I had to do. The blood is on your hands too, if you had only loved me we wouldn’t be here.” Jared resembled an angry child, pouting with his perfect lips as a tear slipped free.

“I did love you,” Jensen wasn’t lying; he had loved the boy immensely until it had all gone _wrong._

“You never loved _me,_ you always loved broken Jared. You could never love me, my own father didn’t love me and I can’t see anyone ever really loving me.” Jared slumped into a chair, pulling a small handgun from his pocket.

“Is that why you killed? Why you manipulated me?” Resentment filled Jensen’s voice as he stared at the boy he had hoped to spend forever with.

“I just…I wanted someone to hold me. I wanted to feel like to one person I was worth the trouble, like I mattered.” Jared shrugged, pointing the gun in the direction of the substitutes head. “I guess this is my special way of telling you that _you_ matter.”

“Jared! Don’t kill him. What…what would it take to make you let this man go? Anything, you name it. Please, I can’t bear to have anymore blood on my hands.” Jensen was desperate, falling sharply to his knees and ignoring the flash of pain.

“Come away with me? I just want you to come far away with me.” There was a strange kind of innocence written on Jared’s face, as though he had no plan but knew that he wanted to end it all with Jensen.

“I…you won’t kill anyone else if I go? That will be the end?” Jensen was terrified and slightly excited by the idea of running away with this killer; in the end his love was sill burning, simply laying in wait until he was willing to accept it.

“It has always been about you, you’re all I need. If you come away with me than I will let this man go and I promise I won’t kill anymore.” Jared smiled down at the unconscious man, almost apologetically.

“I’ll do it.” Jensen’s words slipped free with little thoughts of his own self-preservation.

“If you leave me or run, I will kill everyone you love before I kill you.” Jared’s words hung in the air, the threat and pain behind the words echoing.  
"I promise  I will never leave you."

[Chapter 13,](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/17679.html)  



	13.  A Mirror of Imperfections

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**A Mirror of Imperfections Chapter 13**   
_   
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: Character death, suicide  
Prompts: Holiday  
Word Count: 1095   
  


  


  
**Epilogue**   
  
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**

            Jensen and Jared fell into a familiar routine after they left town, the house was sold and Jensen tutored children to make extra money. Jared spent most of his free time watching Jensen teach, constantly lurking just out of sight. Naturally, he always assumed that his lover would run if given any opportunity. Jared began to feel an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach every time he stared at his forced lover, something that could only be described as waves of guilt and regret. Part of Jared longed to return to the moment before Jensen discovered the truth, if only to avoid breaking the beautiful man. The past was never going to stop haunting him, no matter how many months he lay awake staring at the man he loved, he was never going to escape the broken sounds Jensen had made while being raped. 

            Jared had always been riddled with problems, always searching for a way to save himself from the thousands of evil thoughts circulating through his mind. The one escape was always pretending, he could loose himself in a character and forget, however briefly, exactly how damaged he is. The first thoughts of killing had begun when his father had slipped into his room late ones night, a mind full of intentions and a body more than willing to comply. Jared had felt so damaged and broken he began to think of ways to kill his father and eventually all those around him. Jensen had seemed like a dream, the moment Jared walked into the classroom he simply knew that he was meant to be with the man who so closely resembled his own father. 

            Once the truth was known, Jared had no choice but to simply move in with Jensen. Before the man could change his lock, Jared slipped inside, silently witnessing the code for the alarm system. Removing all threats from Jensen’s life had been easy, the whiteboard incidents quickly confining him to his home where Jared could watch silently from the vents. The house was older and allowed for Jared to successfully hide until the opportune moment when the substitute teacher knocked on Jensen’s door, in search for answers to a quiz. It was all too easy from that point on, everything falling into place as he forced Jensen to give up his life, sell his home and flee the country. The police assumed that Jensen was leaving in an attempt to escape Jared; there was no escape from Jared’s brand of love. 

There was also no escape from the twisting guilt, the guilt that was prying him apart. Jared could live with killing Chad; after all he was to blame for the situation, and killing Misha. What he was unable to live with was the look on Jensen’s face when he plastered a fake smile on his face, or the forced sounds when they “made love”. All to quickly, Jared began to understand that he would never be able to set Jensen free and that Jensen would never be happy as long as he was confined. The answer was obvious and Jared smiled sadly as he began to set his plan in motion.

XOXO

            Christmas was one of the few times Jared could see exactly how empty Jensen was, the man would decorate the tree according to Jared’s standards, go shopping with Jared and then wrap the presents. It was all pointless, they both knew what they would receive and they both knew that when the day came there would be no happiness in the house. It was the perfect time to give Jensen the only gift he really had to offer: freedom. 

            Jared placed a neatly written note under the tree before walking into the bathroom. The razor sat gleaming in the light, bringing forth a thousand memories of life and the love he felt for his captive. With shaking fingers he took the sharpened metal to his wrists, slicing past the layers of skin and into his livelihood. The blood poured silently from his vein, the only sound was the dripping as it pooled around Jared’s feet. Dropping down silently to his knees Jared remembered a thousand perfect moments, moments where existence was worth the cost. An image of himself came to mind, a mirror shattering as he stared into cold eyes. Jensen stared through the shards, broken and unable to escape. As Jared’s eyes fell closed for the last time he felt a sense of relief and imagined Jensen stepping free from his prison. Perhaps, death wouldn’t be quite as empty as life. 

XOXO

  
Dear my beautiful Jenny,   
  


  
Sometimes when I stare into that perfect green abyss of your eyes I wonder silently if you will ever be whole again. The only real proof I have of my ever lasting love is my death. I have taken so much and the only thing I can give back is your freedom. Please, leave this place. I am already gone, my veins dry. In my last hours I began to feel like the boy I pretended to be. You brought that out in me and I will never be able to express what that meant to me. I did place a special present under the tree that I do hope you will enjoy.   
  


  
Yours forever, Jared.    
  


            Jensen had read through the note a thousand times, tears streaming down his face to smear the perfect letters Freedom was not what he had wanted, not really. He had always hoped that he would find someone who wanted him to stay, someone who would love him for who he was. In many ways he wanted to find a man who wouldn’t cheat, a true love. Jared may have had his faults but his intentions concerning Jensen were always true. Jensen reached under the tree for a small box that had not been there when he left. It felt light in his hand, almost empty. A small envelope with his name on it and a return address marked “Derek Lee”, a note confessing that his once lover was still madly in love and deeply regretting his promiscuous actions. The room seemed to settle around him, as though fate had finally come true and delivered him some stability. For a second he remembered Jared’s perfect dimples and his innocent blush as Jensen caught him passing notes. He would miss the boy that had died when he learned the truth. Jared, had been dead a long time and it was past time for the shell he left behind to slip away.

 


End file.
